Revenge = 0 Calories

        

There are certain things in life that we are fairly sure of; we will pay taxes, we will die, we will never be thin enough, and men (especially hot men) will never worry about their weight.  Well guess what, the last part of that is completely false! I know when I look in the mirror I’m not always happy with what I see and I know that no matter how much salad I eat, or how long I’m on the treadmill, its never enough, however I think that if I had the female version of a Chippendales body I would be content. Turns out no matter how hot you are in the eyes of those removed from you, the reflection you see hardly ever changes. Sitting backstage the other day I overheard a conversation I would never expect to hear from a group of men let alone a group of Chippendales, and morbid as this may be it made me happy. So at the risk of giving away their secret I cannot withhold such information from my fellow women.  Backstage at one of the hottest shows around you would expect to hear about the escapades of the night before, the walk of shame this morning, or the plans for tonight’s debauchery, not the case.  What I actually heard was a conversation me and my girlfriends know all to well, the upcoming “beach season”. Oh yeah ladies, I didn’t even know men knew such a thing existed but, not only are they keen to its existence, they worry about it!! As the guys oiled up their six packs and put on their cuffs and collars, they discussed low carb diets, more intense workouts and argued over whose six-pack is really a four-pack, (like that minor detail matters to any of us, for me as long as that four pack isn’t of Bud I’m happy). Now one guy in particular found himself quite perplexed at the results he was getting from the scale. He kept saying “I’ve been eating right, working out harder than ever and no matter what, I am either gaining weight or staying the same!!” You can hear the frustration (or hunger lol) in his voice as the rest of the guys try to console him. They tell him muscle weighs more than fat, that sometimes you hit a plateau etc …  I know your thinking “How supportive”, I thought the same, until I really looked at their malicious looking facial expressions. Turns out revenge is best served cold and months later in retaliation for the snake episode one of the guys moved the little dial on his scale off of zero. Yeah not the best prank ever but the guy in question doesn’t have the best vision, and so far has been shocked every time he gets on the scale for about a week. I wonder how long it will be before he realizes that there has been foul play. All jokes aside (and it is hysterical to watch) I find myself shocked that  a man would even care that much. Watching this scenario play out I can’t help but wonder   has our society become body image crazy? I mean they broke the mold with these guys, you couldn’t dream up a more anatomically appealing physique, yet for them it’s not enough.  As I sat there and listened to them complain about their 1% body fat I had mixed feelings:

1. Thank god even guys with rock hard abs think they can lose a few, and

2. If their physical shape is not good enough then what the hell am I?

Well rest assured that while wanting to better your self is a normal healthy desire, the extreme standards to which we hold ourselves are unreasonable. What happens to the people who are the standard, like The Chippendales? Who do they strive to look like?  The male body image dilemma is an ongoing issue that even WebMD has addressed and probably will not be solved any time soon.  Us ladies though, we are pros at being hard on ourselves, the boys are just now starting to catch up.
So what’s the craziest diet you’ve ever tried?

Related articles

• 6-Year-Old Thinks She Is Fat (psychologytoday.com)
• 3 Top Reasons You Do Not Have A Six Pack (johnisfit.com)

Trouser Snake?

You watch a 2-hour movie, its over, you are about to go to the bathroom and as the credits begin to roll, so does the blooper reel. You find yourself once again glued to your seat because lets face it perfection is not so interesting. Ask anyone over 25 and they will say, “reality TV is so stupid, I hate the Jersey Shore” however ask to see their DVR and you will see a mad dash for the remote. The truth is that stupid or not, if people didn’t watch it, it wouldn’t be on. Lets face it if there was no hope in me dishing out some backstage shenanigans in this post…would you still be reading it? Probably not and I’m ok with that, so lets get to what you really want to hear about. The Chippendales have great jobs, no one is arguing that but you work in a bakery long enough and you lose your taste for cookies. The guys love their jobs and more so their fans but guess what…they get bored too. So what do they do to keep things interesting on stage, naturally they play pranks on each other! Let me paint you a picture: You’re a Chippendales dancer and your scene is coming up next. It’s a sultry shower scene and you are the only one on stage, you really have to sell this. Backstage your getting mentally prepared, maybe you picture being in the shower with your significant other, maybe your alone in the shower and you pretend someone is watching, you’re starting to feel really sexy, getting into character, you’re ready to go out there and get this room full of women to believe. You get in the “stage” shower, the water hits you, you run your hands down your body, you look down, and BAM a snake is in there with you, and not a trouser snake. Nope I mean a SNAKE, a mouse swallowing body-crushing snake. Yeah that just happened. Now what? Well you work it in there as if there is no snake, hope for the best, and get the two Chipps off stage laughing their asses off back in anyway you can. The performer who this actually happened to (and I assure you it did) handled himself like a pro, not one lady in the audience knew there was a serpent in there, and I’d bet someone who was in that crowd is reading this right now and has no idea they were there, now that’s dedication. Well, said performer certainly got them back, but you will have to tune in next week to see how. In the mean time how would you retaliate? What’s the most sinister prank you’ve ever played? Who knows maybe our guys will take some tips from you for next time!

Panty Dropper

 “Ladies welcome to the show, please no flash photography. “ What they should say is please no flashing. You think the guys are wild? Please gentleman you have nothing on these ladies. There’s no showroom that compares to the Chippendales showroom at The Rio in Las Vegas, for women that is. It seems to be a no holds barred black hole of wild, sexual energy, and that’s not taking into account what’s happening on stage. Not to mention that with Jeff Timmons from 98º hosting the show things have gotten hotter than ever.  Female sexuality has changed and evolved over the years and is now more accepted than it has ever been, the women at the show have certainly received that memo, maybe more than once. Now I’m no prude and I’ve seen my fair share of lewd behavior but this crowd makes me blush! Just the other night I was minding my own business watching the show, (and watching the crowd) when I got hit in the head with a pair of panties. Yep no need to read that line again you were right the first time. One of our fans (and ours are the BEST fans ) apparently felt restricted by her thong (makes sense, it is a lot of constraining material) and deemed it necessary to launch it at the stage.  Now had she referred to the laws of aero dynamics she would have adjusted the force with which she threw it and it may have reached the stage, but alas it hit me in the face.  Now I’m not judging but the lady in question had on an exceptionally short dress and exceptionally tall heels, so her night out post show was surely an interesting one.  Sure I could’ve returned said panties but really where’s the fun in that? As far as I’m concerned the moment your thong becomes airborne you relinquish all your rights to that particular thong. To be perfectly honest she didn’t seem the least bit concerned as to their location, and more power to her. In a room with no one to judge you (except maybe your mom) why not let loose?  Women are baring it all in many other places less appropriate than The Chippendales Show.  Cosmo calls it Boobs On Parade , have you ever bared it all in front of a crowd? Where were you? What was the reaction?

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• Chippendales Enlists 98 Degrees’ Jeff Timmons — Which ’90s Boy Bander Should Be Next? (newsroom.mtv.com)

Naughty or Nice?

       Sex in public….naughty or nice? We are bombarded with sex in our faces every day. We see it in marketing, advertising, movies, and shows, and what is acceptable for prime time today would have been unheard of 15 years ago, so should it still be a punishable offense?
In a town referred to as sin city you would think the repercussions of such an act would be more lenient than say Birmingham, Alabama, well you would think wrong. One of our guys or rather former guys, found this out the hard way last week.
After the show he and a lady friend apparently got caught up in the moment in a place that some might consider public. Ok so it was the parking lot of a restaurant, pretty public I suppose. Now, had they not gotten caught we would give them kudos for such a risqué rendezvous, but alas they were not so lucky. So after an unexpected trip to the police station I collected the Chippendale who, except for his bruised ego was relatively unharmed. As we sat in the car my first instinct was of-course to scold him for his irresponsible actions, he does represent a company at the end of the day but, after I thought about it, did he really do anything wrong? In the eyes of The Chippendales he did and was fired, rightfully so in my opinion as an employee but, as a person, I’m not so sure.
You can say what you like but when you see it in a movie are you incredulous? I know I’m not, jealous maybe but offended, doubtful. If Cosmo can devote an entire section to this very topic how can we expect people to not emulate? So was his only mistake getting caught? I guess with a little practice he will have better luck next time and if he/ or you the reader are looking for some advice there is no shortage of sources. Check out the Cosmo article with not only suggestions but, examples of where and how you can do this successfully.

What is the craziest place you’ve been naughty? How did you make sure you didn’t get caught?

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Sex Sin The City

        I won’t tell you my name, and you will probably never see my face but what I will do is let you in on a very unique view that I have, of a very unique lifestyle, that I am now privet to.  Before I jump into the juicy stuff I need you to understand that I am an ordinary person, who lives an ordinary life, who has happened to stumble upon one extra-ordinary job.

About a month ago a great bar that I used to manage in Manhattan met its untimely death and with that came the casualty of my unemployment.  Yeah I know everyone is in the same boat, but it is not about my misfortune that I intend to write but rather the unexpected turn of events that has led me to where I am today.  As “judgment day” loomed over my head I thought and thought “what am I going to do?” I am no office minion and 9-5 just doesn’t suit me, but it was becoming more and more apparent, as my bank account grew smaller and smaller that I would have to leave the glamour of the night life behind….or would I? Let’s call it “a job fell in my lap”. Get those dirty thoughts out of your head because that is NOT what happened.  It was a great opportunity but it came with some serious side effects, like relocation and late nights with sexy guys….poor me. So, it was with great sorrow that I packed my bags and left the blaring lights of the Big City for the flashing lights of Sin City. OK so maybe not with great sorrow, maybe not with any sorrow at all, maybe with my head held high and a shit eating grin I got on a plane and started my new life as an employee of the world  famous Chippendales.

No I do not wax my chest nor do my pecs glisten, I don’t have a washboard stomach and my gyrating skills leave something to be desired, in fact I’m not a guy. I work for the corporate offices (yeah I said it Chippendales has corporate offices) in Las Vegas, city of bright lights and broken dreams.  What I do is irrelevant and what my hours are even more so because the backstage perks *wink wink, and Vegas access make up for anything “corporate” about this job.  The anonymity of my ramblings, as you can now see, is in effort to protect the parties involved.

Behind the fancy show, bright lights and costume changes there is a group of surprisingly interesting guys who day in and day out make me laugh and certainly keep me on my toes, (they would keep some of you on your knees…HA!)  I know shocking that they could be interesting being that they are  good-looking, six-pack having, chest shining, bench pressing, hip shaking, group of men  but alas I digress. The bottom line is that I don’t really know who these guys are yet and how much of their stage lives transcends their real ones but it is my mission to find out for you, the curious woman or the insecure gentleman. What really is behind the Men of Chippendales?…..after all for every exceptionally hot guy in this world there is a woman who is sick of fucking him….isn’t there?